Kung Fu Panda is a 2008 animated film about a bungling panda who aspires to be a kung fu warrior. Kung Fu Panda is directed by John Stevenson and Mark Osborne and produced by Melissa Cobb. Although the concept of a kung fu panda has been around since at least 1993, the idea for the film was conceived by Michael Lachance, a DreamWorks Animation executive. Work on the film did not begin until 2004 with the film premièring at the 61st Cannes Film Festival in May 2008 and seeing general distribution in summer. The film was produced by DreamWorks Animation's studio in Glendale, California, and distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The film stars the voices of Jack Black, Jackie Chan, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Seth Rogen, David Cross and Ian McShane.

Dreamworks are currently in talks to make a sequel to Kung Fu Panda.

Plot

Po (Jack Black) is a panda who works in a noodle restaurant owned by his goose father Mr. Ping (James Hong). Po is a kung fu fanatic with secret dreams of becoming a great master in the discipline. However, his weight and clumsiness seem to make his goal unattainable; Mr. Ping hopes instead that Po will one day take over the restaurant, and waits for the perfect opportunity to disclose the secret ingredient to his family's noodle recipe.

The tortoise Master Oogway (Randall Duk Kim) has a premonition that the evil snow leopard warrior Tai Lung (Ian McShane), the former student of his own protégé, the red panda Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman), will escape from prison and return to threaten the Valley of Peace. While Shifu sends Zeng (Dan Fogler), a messenger goose, to Chor Ghom Prison to have the security increased, Oogway orders a formal ceremony to choose the mighty Dragon Warrior who can defeat Tai Lung. Everyone assumes that one of the Furious Five — Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Monkey (Jackie Chan), Mantis (Seth Rogen), Viper (Lucy Liu), and Crane (David Cross) — a quintet of supremely skilled martial artists trained by Shifu, will be chosen for this honor.

While the Five demonstrate their skills at the ceremony, Po arrives too late and finds himself locked outside the walled palace square. As a last-ditch attempt to get in, he ties several fireworks to a chair and ignites them, which sends him crashing into the center of the arena. Inspired by this sudden appearance, Oogway designates Po the Dragon Warrior. Despite Po's protests and Shifu's pleas to reconsider, Oogway stands by his decision.

Revolted at having Po under his tutelage, Shifu attempts to make him quit by berating and humiliating him. The Five similarly dismiss Po as a worthless interloper. Although he becomes aware of Shifu's true intentions and is deeply hurt by his heroes' disdain for him, Po endures their abuse willingly for the dream to become something more than the disaster he thinks he is. Master Oogway, still certain that Po is the right choice, gives him sage advice to believe in himself. Eventually, Po endears himself to the Five (except for Tigress) with his tenacity, good cooking, and sense of humor. At this time Tigress reveals to Po how Tai Lung came to be so evil. Shifu raised him from a cub and treated him like a son. When Oogway refused to make Tai Lung the Dragon Warrior, he became enraged and laid waste to the Valley. He then tried to take the dragon scroll. Shifu tried to stop him, but could not bear to destroy what he had created. Tai Lung was defeated by Master Oogway and imprisoned. Tigress ends her story by saying that Shifu loved Tai Lung like he never had before, or since.

Meanwhile, Zeng's errand backfires when a tour of the prison given to him by the overly confident head of security, Commander Vachir (Michael Clarke Duncan), inadvertently enables Tai Lung to escape. Tai Lung orders Zeng to send word of his arrival to Shifu. In the Valley of Peace, Oogway passes away and ascends to the heavens, leaving his final wish that Shifu train Po. However, upon learning of Tai Lung's return and realizing that he has to face the evil warrior, Po attempts to flee. Shifu stops the panda and promises to train him if he is truly destined to be the Dragon Warrior. When Po confesses his belief that he may never be a match for Tai Lung, Shifu is at a loss for a solution. Overhearing this argument, Tigress takes it upon herself to intercept Tai Lung, and the rest of The Five follow her to assist. The following morning, Shifu discovers that Po is capable of impressive physical feats when motivated by food. He leads Po to the countryside for an intensive training regime in which Po is offered food as a reward for learning his lessons. As Shifu hopes, Po swiftly becomes a skilled combatant.

The Five battle Tai Lung but are eventually defeated. All except Crane are paralyzed by a special nerve-striking technique, and he manages to carry his friends back to the valley. When they return, Shifu decides Po is ready to face the villain and gives him the sacred Dragon Scroll, which promises great power to the possessor. When Po opens it, he finds nothing but a blank reflective surface. Stricken with despair at the scroll's apparent worthlessness, Shifu orders his students to lead the villagers to safety while he stays to delay Tai Lung for as long as he can.

As Po participates in the evacuation, he meets his father, who tries to cheer him up by telling him the secret ingredient of the family's noodle soup: nothing. Things become special, he explains, because people believe them to be special. Realizing that is the very point of the Dragon Scroll, Po rushes off to help Shifu. At this time, Tai Lung arrives at the palace. He blames Shifu for not granting him the title of Dragon Warrior just because Master Oogway did not choose him, and the two begin to fight. For his part, Shifu is crippled by his profound feelings of guilt and responsibility for his former protégé whom he loved and raised like a son, turning to darkness.

When Tai Lung discovers that the Dragon Scroll is gone, he attempts to kill Shifu in anger. But before he can, Po finally arrives and challenges him. Although Tai Lung scoffs at Po's abilities, the ensuing fight proves Po to be a formidable opponent. Despite Po's skill, Tai Lung temporarily stuns him and gains the Dragon Scroll, but is unable to understand its symbolism. Po tries to explain the wisdom of the scroll to Tai Lung, but in frustration he tries to subdue Po with his nerve strikes. The attacks prove useless on the panda, as his nerves are difficult to affect under his thick layer of body fat. Emboldened, Po counter-attacks with an improvised combat style that takes advantage of his girth to absorb and deflect the force from Tai Lung's attacks back at him. In the end, Po uses the Wuxi Finger Hold on Tai Lung (a technique Shifu had previously threatened to use on Po), defeating him in a large explosion of golden light that ripples through the valley.

The Five return to the valley to investigate and find a slightly dazed but triumphant Po. Deeply impressed by Po's victory, Tigress leads the Five to acknowledge him as a Kung Fu master. Po suddenly remembers that his teacher is badly wounded, and rushes back to Shifu. At first the master appears to be dying, and Po panics. But it turns out that he is only trying to rest after such a terrible battle with Tai Lung.

At the end of the credits, Shifu and Po are seen eating together by the sacred peach tree. A peach seed planted by Shifu before Oogway's passing has sprouted into a new plant.

Cast

Amo: Inday di ba nanood ka ng The Buzz?
Inday: Opo, bakit mam?
Amo: Bakit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA7?
Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they will stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it’s harder when people can’t understand you for doing so…
WHEW! An taray ni Inday!

Attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made initial survey of current market prices. Note however that prices could vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate supply and demand which we also monitor on a hourly basis. - si inday, nagpapaalam para mamalengke

Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ. - sagot ni inday ng tanungin ng amo bakit may bukol si junior

I want to persevere in life. I want to break free from where I am. I want to travel the world, see all the beautiful sights and sceneries. I want to be complete… - Naks si Inday, pwedeng model ng Centrum

Amo: Alam mo Inday, bakit di ka na lang mag-callcenter, paingles-ingles ka naman?
Inday: I don’t think that I want to have easy money for I know that choosing such employment is already limiting myself from experiencing enthusiastic ways of expressing what I feel by means of what I do, thus imprisoning myself with an incapable mind which will result to doubt and uncontentment.
Amo: Ay ewan ko sa iyo! Dinudugo na ako!

Much as I want to indulge in the proliferation of such indecent and malicious information, I want to lift the stigma and alleviate socity’s perception of our profession… - Si Inday, tumatangging makipagtsismisan sa katulong sa kabilang bahay sa oras ng siesta

It’s hard to run from a feeling that haunts you every now and then, painful to tell your heart that you don’t need it. You keep on pretending that you are better to be alone, when in fact you feel so empty. But why take chances if you see no hope? Why try if there’s nothing to win for? Sometimes, it pays to wait… Never hurry, let infatuation die a natural death and give birth to true love when it’s time… - advice ni Inday sa amo niyang broken-hearted

I hate how coffee turns into an addiction and how it keeps you up all night. How it burns and makes your heart beat fast. Especially how it makes you crave for its rich and sweet promises of grains. milk, and sugar. Moments later, it puts you into a melancholic mood of coolness. Before you realize, it has consumed you before you should have consumed it. Empty. Hollow. Bitter. Then again… You crave for another cup. Just like love… - Si Inday nag-eemote sa Starbucks

“It’s absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you can handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because it sucks!” - si Inday kasama si Junior sa principal’s office

Inday: Dear mother, had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed a moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if I wasn’t enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabily run academe. Oh, such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never thought being a governess can be such strenous employ!
Tatay: Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital ang nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong kakabasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

How do I stop falling for someone? How do I defy the pull of gravity? Can I just flee? Flee before I hit the ground and suffer the pain and tell myself: “Why do I choose to fall in the first place, when I know from the start, that someone’s never gonna be there to catch me anyway?…. - tanong ni Inday sa sarili niya ng mainlove siya sa amo niya

“This is just not the right time to give it a try, for there are things that are not worth losing by making a move towards an uncertain future; destiny will always bring us where we’re meant to be.” - paliwanag ni Inday ng ayain siya ni Dodong na magtanan kagabi

“I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifests, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separated from” - si Inday, hindi makatulog dahil nahohomesick

“I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should’ve made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn’t platonic. It’s real, true romance.” - si Inday, nageemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si Badong, ang boyfriend niya

“The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!” ganito nakipagbreak si Inday kay Badong (hardinero ng kapitbahay)

“I wish forgetting my feelings for someone was as easy as digging a hole in the backyard, burying it there, and leaving a cross over it to remind me how beautiful it once was. But it could never be like that, forgetting these feelings, is much like digging my very own grave and burying myself alive.” - Si Inday ulit, during the break-up

Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda.. o nga pla inglesira ka… would you please purchase many fishes for our this week’s meals?
Inday: Judging from your statement I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term “fishes”, although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traveresed the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day’s catch? (Pauses) Aaah… by manner of careful extrapolation, given the meager budget in this houshold’s quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple “galewng-gowng”. Am I correct?
Amo: Leche!
Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the “ba-ngooz” is it!

“heavy fire exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing “oriza sativa” to have a chemical change, thereby changing its state of color, smell, as well as the taste” - sagot ni Inday bakit nasunog ang sinaing

“The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.” - paliwanag ni Inday bakit maalat ang ulam

“La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por favor? si Inday tumatawad sa merkado ng isinama siya ng amo sa España

*Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa rice (red avriety) and apricot sauce
*Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive olive
*Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
- baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday

“Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean I’ve spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I’ll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!”, reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia

“Potatoes, when consumed in their raw state are rapidly converted to glucose that raises insulin levels because of its simple sugar. When cooked in high temperatures like French fries, they produce large amount of free radicals in the body causing aging, clotting, inflammation, cancer, weight gain. One French fry is worse than one cigarette.” - sagot ni Inday nang tanungin bakit di siya nagluluto ng French Fries

“Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market.”, banat ni Inday kung bakit walang “kangkong” sa nilutong sinigang

“Heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing the “oriza sativa” which is the scientific name of rice to change its state of color, smell as well as the taste.”, sagot ni Inday nang tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang sinaing

“Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness.” -sagot ni inday nun tanungin ni sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior

Mister: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV??!!!
Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing!

“Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one’s body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.” - sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoff

Misis: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sirang silya?
Inday: I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This in accordance with PAS18 on Revenue, PAS16 on Property, Plant, and Equipment, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets!
Misis: ADIK ka talaga Inday!

Amo: Bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
Inday: A change in weather patterns might have occurred, wreaking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.
Amo: ganon?!

Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution! - si Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate

“Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment inflicted upon you!” - pinagbabawalan ni Inday na maglikot ang mga bata

Listening to the nonsense talk about someone’s life is a pathetic way of entertainment… it doesn’t contribute to the good of society… i hate character assassinators! - reklamo ni inday nung matsismis sya ng kapitbahay! idol talaga!

500 globe plan subscription
1800 glutathione tablet
600 olay total effects
1500 crocs flip flops
2000 for mama
- binabudget ni Inday ang sweldo niya

Amo 1: Inday, ano gamit mo sa katawan mo, ang kinis mo kasi eh?
Amo 2: Siguro gumagamit ka nang Papaya.
Amo 1: Baka naman kalamansi?
Inday (Babanat na naman): No!
“Only Belo touches my skin, who touches yours?”

Nurture others with positive, truthful words, not words that hurt. It doesn’t cost anything to do so. But mean what you say, and say what you mean. Do it everyday. This is one of the most obvious qualities of the most beloved people. If you cannot be generous financially, at least be generous with your words. - yan ang sabi ni inday ng di siya pinautang at pinagmumura pa ng amo niya.

I understand that sexual urge is most of the time uncontrollable since a lot of factors contribute for it to tbe triggered… This is also the reason some men are found to be polygamous and engage themselves in sexual acts even with someone who’s a total stranger to them - sabi ni Inday matapos siyang gapangin ni Kuya!

Inday: I pity you for you have degraded your very own pride and dignity by resorting to this despicable behavior just for wealth, and I hope that one day you’ll realize that you should not use humans as means of your ends. As what the great philosopher Kant uttered, “treat a man as an end in itself.”
Holdaper: Shut up! Coz if you don’t the bullet in this gun will rest upon your empty head!

I was shot by a 9mm bullet in the head damaging my entire skull so that I will die and stop speaking english preventing people from nose-bleedin’ - In loving memory of Inday

I thought I was dead. I must have been in a near-death experience. I believed I survived to tell the world that we are not just a bunch of household slaves, but persons of dignity and character - si Inday, matapos makarecover sa coma

Biodata ni Inday:
Name: Inocencia Binayubay
Age: 18
Parents: Aling Seling and Mang Andoy
Siblings: Iying 13, Itoy 8, Iking 5
Educ: College - La Salle Zobel 2nd yr
Educ: HS - P. Gomez High School (Valedictorian, Best in English)
Educ: Elem - Sta. Monica Elem. School (Valedictorian, Best in Dancing)
Work Experience: 3 yrs, Household Service Manager - Mr. and Mrs. Montemayor

the oil normalizing series specifically designed for my oily skin not only works physically on the skin surface, but penetrates deep into the skin layers to normalize oil secretion for a healthy and long-lasting oil free skin. - paliwanag ni Inday habang nasa harap ng salamin, nagpapahid ng Chin Chun Su.

with the upcoming holiday, I forecast travel plans to my hometown so that I may visit my family. In line with this, may I request that my financial budget be reviewed so that I may take a portion in advance? Justification as follows: for the dual purpose of
(a) finalizing my flight booking
(b) bringing tokens of appreciation to my parent, siblings, and cousins up to the third level of consanguinity. - si Inday yan… bumabale para makapag bakasyon sa pamilya

1. Fendi Handbag
2. Ba,enciaga sandals
3. Manolo Blanihk high heels
4. CHANNEL furr coat
5. Ipod Video 80 gig
6. Motorola Razor Dolce and Gabbana edition
7. Sony Bravia Flat Screen Plasma TV
8. Aquamarine Diamond Wristwatch
9. Louis Vuitton Travelling Bag
10. Obagi System Skin Care Line
11. Shiseido Cosmetics
12. One week vacation spree at the Bahamas
- wish list ni Inday for Christmas. Nakadikit sa refrigerator ng amo nya!

Sa Resto:
Waiter: Ano po order nila, Ma’am?
Amo: Yung fried chicken meal na lang. Ikaw Inday, ano sa iyo?
Inday: I would like to partake of a dish of sauteed pork and chicken, boiled in thick essence of soy and cane extracts, with copious amounts of garlic, onion and laurel, sprinkled generously with fine spices and served with a generous helping of root crop and a helping of rice.
Amo: Iho, abodo with rice daw.

driver: hoy! bakit sais lang ang bayad mo? siyete na ang pamasahe ngayon. tanga!
inday: i am currently enrolled in a 2-year vocational course in an academic institution. therefore, i am a student and, by this fact, i am entitled to have the inalienable right to avail of a certain discount on my jeepney fare. this is why i provided a payment less than what you expected because that is according to the law, as stated in the fare matrix moron!
driver: arrghhh (dumugo ang ilong!)

Txter: hi, can you be the textmate?
Inday: it depends if you can abide by my heavy sked. you see, i get up at 5am to cook for my boss, then do the chores until after suppertime. only then can i reply but i would be very tired already so i guess i won’t be of much use as a textmate…

FLASH REPORT: Inday is alive she’s not yet dead. SOCO found out that, the impostora of Inday was killed. Ederlyn (Inday’s neighbor) was the mastermind.
SOCO: Bakit mo siya pinapatay?
Ederlyn: Kasi inagaw niya sa akin si Dodong!
Inday: Mythemaniac! He was never yours.
Ederlyn: Dong, di ba mahal mo din ako?
Dong: I never…. said… that I loved you.

The principle “dictum de omni” best describes the events that have transpired moments ago. Capital punishment is what I’ve been expecting, but death is said to be un-Christian. Therefore, reclusion perpetua comes close to what is best served… I don’t hold grudges on him and the absolute proposition is that he must accept his fate dictated by law…. - reaction ni Inday sa panonood sa promulgation ng idol niyang si Erap

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I would like to inform the general public that I’m still ALIVE and KICKING. Contrary to the text messages that have been circulated lately. I have already seek legal advice regarding this rumor and my lawyers are already preparing legal actions for the perpetrator. There will be a bicameral investigation in aid of legislation regarding this matter. Sincerely, Inday.

“Morons! I was never raised by my mom to be a coquette! I’m nurtured with such dignity, respect, and morality! Even poverty can’t make me do such scandalous act. Sexyness is from within. I don’t rely on aesthetic products and on skimpy outfits. So pathetic!” - banat ni Inday matapos siyang aluking magpose sa FHM

“I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of work that you want. My creativity, productivity and work efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can
offer will boost the work progress…” sabi ni Inday sa interview ng bago nyang amo!

Consul: Why do you wanna go to US?
Amo: To travel, to visit my friends, and fly the airplane?
Consul: Denied! And you?
Inday: For life is a never-ending pursuit of material and social satisfaction that I tender my great intent of actualizing a trans-pacific journey to the land of milk and honey. An affable sanctuary where dreams become reality and a perfect habitat where souls like mine can reach the pedestal of freedom.
Consul: LIFETIME MULTIPLE ENTRY VISA GRANTED!
Amo: Potah ka!

“Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction. Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I’ll show you somebody who has never achieved much” - comment ni Inday sa pagkakamali ni Christian Bautista sa pagkanta ng Lupang Hinirang!

NUNG BATA PA SI INDAY…
Nanay: Day, bat ba ang tigas tigas ng ulo mo?
Inday: Nay, intransigence is just normal for us juveniles…
Nanay: Day, anong nakain mo? I’m pertubed by your words!
Inday: Nay… ala namang gantihan.
- may pagmamanahan naman pala

“Thank you for calling. This is Inday How can I provide you world class service today?” - si Inday, nag call center na, finally!

I certainly believe that though we didn’t make it for the sixth time, still the noise of our crowd was enough to conquer the Big Dome. The yells and cheers of the true champion couldn’t be beaten by those who think that they “rock”. Wasn’t it shameful to enjoy a regime with a point difference? Knowing that they exerted enough effort, duh? At least, deep within me, I aggresively defend my “Go Uste”! Eventhough we did fell on our first pyramid. - reaction ni Inday sa nakalipas na UAAP Cheerdance

Did it ever occur to you that the ultraviolet rays of the idiot box can bring harmful radiation to the retinal area. It could lead to blurred vision, worse, permanent blindness. - pinagalitan ni Inday si junior sa sobrang lapit manood ng TV.

Amo: Nabalitaan mo na ba ang nangyari kay Mang Tomas, nakulong ata kasi bumili ng nakaw na cellphone kahit inosente siya?
Inday: Ganun talaga yung Ati!
Amo: Aba, nagmamarunong ka na ha?
Inday: According to the provisions of the law of obligations and contracts, in that case, the law has the presumption that “ignorance of the law excuses no one from compliance thereof”
Amo: ganun? (dugo ilong!)

Don’t limit my capacity to the four corners of this luxurious abode. Expose me to the real challenges of the outside world because I want to grow as an individual with dynamic experiences. - si Inday, nagrereklamo dahil ayaw siyang isama ng amo niya sa Enchanted Kingdom

Overnight inaral ng amo ni Inday ang dictionary para may pangtapat siya kay Inday.
Amo: So Inday, tell me, how do you accept the fact that you are just a mere chambermaid in this extravagant mansion?
Inday: Una camarera? Eres tan pathetic. La unica razon que inscribi tu casa es porque nada esta sucediendo dentro de tu casa cuasi-agradable. Quisiera traer una poca clase en este hogar pero conjeturo que no puedo porque esta casa es fea.
Amo: (Tulala!)

Nagmamani: ah mani mani mani malutong mani kayo dyan oh! Limang piso lang mani kayo dyan oh!
Inday: Mr. Peanut, are those nuts cropped from a high class soil fertilized through an advanced agricultural method to produce a rich tasted appetizer which you, Mr. Peanut, dried it in a premium grade 0% fat canola oil with a low salt solution to consider those low cholesterol diet practitioner like me?
Nagmamani: Pakyu!

Hi guys! This may come as a shock but this is it! Please come on my most special day of my life. I’m getting married on October 26, 2007 at the Blue Coral Beach in Laiya, Batangas. It will be a beach wedding. I’ll be sending my formal invitation, hope to see you all. Thank you in advance. Text me to confirm if you could make it… - Inday, social na talaga!

One day Katrina Halili went to FHM to see if she’s still the number sexiest woman. She picked up a mag and read it. After reading, tinapon ang magazine sabay sigaw “Punyeta, sino si Inday!”

Sir: Inday, wala Ma’am mo, dun tayo sa kwarto.
Inday: What! Are you nuts? For your information sir, I intend to reserve my virginity for the person I truly love! If you think I’m an easy-2-get cheap slut, well you’re barking at the wrong tree! And will you please act like a professional because you’re so eeeewww… If I hear anymore filthy words coming from your mouth, I will not hesitate to take legal action!
Sir: Leche! Maarte ka!
Inday: Joke lang! Sir naman… tara na sa taas.

Inaaway si Inday ng isang girl:
Girl: Bat ang yabang mo? Maganda ka ba?
Inday: Everyone is beautiful. Except in the eyes of insecure bitches!

The Setting:

Pageant Night Ms. Universe Beauty Pageant Q & A Portion.

The Finalists:
Ms. America

Ms. Spain
Ms. Britain
Ms. Iran
Ms. India
Ms. Philippines

Question: Ms. America , how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms. America : Well, I would say that, male organs in America are like gentlemen.

Q: Why do you say that?

Ms. America : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Spain , how do you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms. Spain : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.

Q: Why do you say that?

Ms. Spain : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Britain , how would you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms. Britain : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors.

Q: Why do you say that?

Ms. Britain : Because it cries after every performance.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Iran , how would you describe a male organ in you country?
Ms. Iran : Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like thieves.

Q: Why?

Ms. Iran : Because they always enter thru the back door.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. India , how would you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms. India : A male organ in our country is like a laborer.

Q: Why do you say that?

Ms. India : Because it works day and night.

(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Philippines , how would you describe a male organ in your country?

Ms. Philippines : Ahh..well, opcors, hi,hi,hi...I can say dat male organs in our

country are like chismis!

Q: Chismis?

Ms. Philippines : Ayy sorry!!..It's ano..kuwan... it means GOSSIP in our language.

Q: Hmm…interesting comparison. And why do you say that?

Ms. Philippines : Ayy..diyahe!!! Hihihi, kasi...I mean...because...it passes from mouth to mouth.
(STANDING OVATION)